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Tolk o temu 2

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Tolk o temu

Ko babica povprašuje kako ti gre, je skrajni čas, da se oglasiš ☺️

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Na hitro

No takole. Ker je oni blog že nekaj časa neaktiven se ponovno poslužujem tegale, recimo mu backup :) Dosti dežja je že padlo odkar sem tega uporabljal, bom samo na hitro preletel pomembnejše dogodke – no, te, ki se jih v tem trenutku spomnim :) Read the rest of this entry »

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Please, don’t panic.

Couple of days ago I’ve experienced a panic attack. It’s not a completely unfamiliar feeling, but has never happened to such extent. You probably got to know fear or panic to some degree, right? There was usually some sort of reason for it. Was it a bill you had to pay? A test you had to take? Boyfriend/girlfriend to dump? A job interview? Whatever it was, the awareness that you do have some control over it must have eventually kicked in and you calmed down. Now, the sensation I am trying to picture here would be more in the line of one that a person might have when speeding down the hill just to realise the brakes don’t work.
I was having a nice dream about something when I woke up, suddenly, to a strange sensation around the heart area – as if plastic foil was being crumpled. Now, this was not me having the panicked attack yet. That came a thought later which believed I was having a heart attack. I mean, it felt freakin’ real. Subsequently I started thinking, damn, I am gonna die right here, far away from home, alone in some town in England. Couldnt it have happened last year when I was 27? I’ve never heard of a 28 club. Anyway, such thoughts and others combined just added on to and escalated the initial feeling of “feeling a bit under the weather”. My heart started racing due to the adrenaline rush which, in turn, made me freak out even more and pumped my heart even harder which then… Well, you get the picture.
Yeah, the mind is powerful thing. What I was experiencing was a text book example of a anxiety attack with all the usual symptoms. Of course I didn’t know that at the time. But what I BELIEVED was happening… well hello freaking the fuck out! As if by miracle I did manage to calm myself down gradually and, what felt like being in a storm, subsided to the point where I could go back to sleep.
The next day, I got up, right as rain. As if the pleasant dream never stopped and I’ve just woken out of that. I did vaguely remember the whole night, of course, but more in a “thank God that’s over” way.
So yeah, started Friday in a usual not-recovering-from-an-imaginative-near-death-experience manner. Made breakfast, showered, starred out the window before realising I am running late… usual stuff. Took my leave to the shopping centre, turned on the till unit, started an new trading day, went to the bank, came back, started sipping my morning cup of tea and waited for the customers to start coming. And they did! Very much so! Everything went great, I felt great – sort of like the air after a storm – clean, fresh and released of it’s tensions. Yeah, the sun was definitely shining in :-) Until, of course, the dark clouds of fear started appearing again and I could see lightning and sound of thunder in the distance. The same crumpling sensation in my chest, anxiety and fear of a heart attack which were, this time around, accompanied by palpitations, nausea and shaking of the whole body. All this, mind you, in the midst of a busy shopping centre while trying my best to serve the ever increasing flow of customers for it was at exactly rush o’clock. I tried my best to conceal my state or vomiting in their faces while they were explaining me all about their awesome dog. OK, I thought, this can’t go on. I have to find out what’s happening to me. I got a replacement and started making my way towards the hospital, as advised by the receptionist of the fully booked doctor I wanted to see initially.
When I finally managed to find the proper reception desk that would deal with my condition my luck started turning for the better. First ray of sunshine was a note on the counter explaining that people suffering from chest pains and heart problems need to report at once. I skipped the queue, pointed to the note and said as gravelly as I could: “I believe this is me.” In actuality I just thought it was but just couldn’t be bothered with waiting. Neither could the doctor, who had me plugged in all sort of devices within minutes. He asked me a couple of general questions after which I began describing what was happening. He listened, glanced over the readings from the machines and then with an assuring tone began explaining that I am not having a heart attack, I am not going to die and that it’s a known condition. “Here, I’ll give you leaflet where you can read all about it”, he concluded. “Do you have any more questions?” I wanted to say if I could keep the little round stickers which he used to connect me with the heartbeat measuring machine but decided to bite my tongue. I found two of them later still stuck on my ankles so I’m glad I did.
So that was it then… “Just” a panick attack. Explained on a leaflet. Might as well google it. According to the doctor’s test I am super healthy – but have probably been under a lot of stress lately, why with the new job, enviorment, people, travelling and everything. But that is bullcrap. Could have triggered it, sure, but not caused it. I did exactly the same thing last year, didn’t I? If anything I should have less stress since I know more or less what to expect. There was a certain level of it, of course, but not more than what I’m used to. I mean, I’m not the kind of person who worries. Much. Just can’t wrap my head around this. Must be some kind of subconscious complex demon childhood shadow trying to get some tlc or something. If that is the case, could I please ask you to make an appointment beforehand? C’mon, if you’ve been more or less silent for the past 20 odd years, can’t you wait for another month or so to finish this calendar thing, get the money and fly to Spain, Brazil or wherever you fancy going. I’ll eat some shroomz and let you talk for as long as you need to. OK? Just please, don’t panic.

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Sam brez panike.

Danes sem imel napad panike. Pravzaprav sem ga v preteklosti izkusil že nekajkrat ampak danes si me je pa privoščil. No sej verjetno veste kako je, če človeka zagrabi panika. Ponavadi imamo za njo nek razlog. Šit, jutri moram oddati seminarsko, plačat račun, pisat izpit, it na razgovor za službo, itn., itn. U glavnem, vemo zakaj nam psiha dela kozolce. Večinoma se znamo vsaj en toliko tud spravit k sebi, ko se le spomnimo, da se nobena juha ne poje tako vroča kot se skuha. Ni panike :-)
No, kar se je zgodilo meni je bilo en micen drugače. Zgodilo se je kar naenkrat včeraj ponoči. Prebudilo me je stiskanje v prsih in splošen občutek neke nedoločne urgentnosti. Kar tako, iznenada. Googlov in skeniral sem svoj um, če bi bila kje kakšna gromozanska skrb, ki bi me pestila, pa nisem našel ničesar, s čimer se še ne bi ubadal. Zraven se je vštulila še strašna misel, da doživljam srčni napad in da bom umrl. To zato, ker me je nekam čudno mečkalo okoli srca in zbadalo v prsih. Sicer običajni simptomi napada anksioznost, le da tega še nisem vedel. Nato se je vsulo. Šit, kr tu, nekje sredi Anglije, daleč stran od vsega čemur bi rekel dom, sam, na tej veliki postelji bom umrl (vsaj velik placa je blo za stegnt se :-) ) . Strah in groza sta me oblivala in pošiljala valove hromečih občutkov po telesu ter zadevo multiplicirala in potencirala do intenzitete, ki sem ji bil z dihanjem in kontra prepričevanjem, da bo vse ok, komaj kos. Potem pa, skoraj kot da bi odrezal, je vse prenehalo. Utrip se je umiril, dihanje je postalo normalno, telo se je sprostilo, strela je nehala bliskat, grom je potihnil, nevihta se je umaknila in zaspal sem kot dojenček. Zjutraj, je bilo vse normalno. Kot da se vse skupaj ni nikoli zgodilo. Pravzaprav se skoraj nisem spomnil.
Dobro, sem si mislil, gremo delat, ne. Pojedel sem zajtrk in se odpravil proti nakupovalnemu središču. Kot vsak dan zaštartal blagajno in operacijskemu sistemu pustil, da premelje svoja bitna čreva, medtem, ko sem se odpravil na banko in spil jutranji čaj. Vse laufa, vse super, stranke hodijo, kupujejo, vse lušno … tako kot na petek mora biti. Pravzaprav sem se počutil kot po dejansko nevihti, ko je zrak svež in umit ter so napetosti sproščene. A ni trajalo dolgo, pa so se spet začeli nabirat temni oblaki.
Pa kar tako iz jasnega. Sploh ne veš zakaj ampak hoila Strah in Panika. Pa si govoriš, ne no, vse je ql, sej vidiš, da je vse ok, dihej, bo šlo mimo. Ampak ne, spet mečkanje okoli srca zraven pa še omotica, slabost, tresenje po celem telesu in vsesplošen drek. Med vso to agonijo pa – božji smisel za humor – gre mimo mene neka deklica, ki ji na majici piše “LOVE LIFE”. In tako vem, da zna človek tudi v bledici malodane smrtnega strahu narediti prostor za nasmeh. Svašta. Potem pa odločitev. Tole je treba zvedit enkrat za vselej kaj se mi dogaja. In sem šel lepo k dohtarju in mu povedal. Je blo prav zanimiv, ker je bil na recepciji list na katerem je jasno pisalo, da se sme vrsto v primeru bolečin v prsih in motnjah dihanja gladko neupoštevat. Tako sem pokazal na list in rekel: “Tole sem pa jaz.” Pravzaprav se mi je bolj zdelo ampak vrata se mi je zdela povsem statična. U glavnem, doktor me je v dveh minutah sprejel. Postavil mi je nekaj splošnih vprašanj in me priključil na par naprav. Ena je mela take fajn prilepke, za katere mi je žal, da mu nisem rekel, če jih lahko vzamem – jih je kasneje itak vrgel v koš. No, vse te naprave, prilepki in g. doktor so potem družno ugotovili, da sem zdrav kot dren. Pritisk je normalen, s srcem je vse super, pljuča so čista. Sem tako še tehničnega naredu spotoma. Uff, sem si oddahnil… “Se pravi, da me ne bo fršlok?” Dohtar je odkimal in me pospremil v čakalnico kjer mi je v roko potisnil zgibanko o napadih panike. Ko sem jo bral sem v njej našel vse simptome in vsa zagotovila, ki sem jih potreboval. Predvsem to, da me tale panika fizično ne bo poškodovala. Uff.
In čeprav olajšan in lahkotnejši, sem se vseeno spraševal od kje to. Za občasne primere v preteklosti, sem točno vedel zakaj sem začel paničarit. Tu pa enostavno povsem brez neke očitne veze. Dohtar je sicer namigoval na pot iz Slo v Anglijo, nova služba, novo okolje, novi ljudje ipd. Vendar, pa ni to zame nič novega in vsekakor ni najhujše kar sem imel izkusiti. Navsezadnje sem par let delal z Grgecom :-P (tale je interna). Hočem rečt, nič posebno zame izjemnega se ni dogajalo. Običajne skrbi v povsem običajnih dozah. Še najbolj bizaren je bil občutek razdvojenosti. Na eni strani um, ki mu je vse povsem OK, ljubi lajf, vse laufa, nobenih groženj. Na drugi strani pa telo, ki si že koplje grob in izbira krsto. Um ga pa opazuje in ga čukasto gleda in se sprašuje od kje zdej vsa ta panika. A ne, ponavadi je tako, da si um zamisle prevročo juho in mu telo potem psihosomatsko prikimava. Čist čudno. Zdelo se mi je, da bi lahko vse skupaj enostavno ugasnil, pa sem pozabil kje je stikalo. Oziroma, kdo in zakaj ga je sploh prižgal?

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It’s a Lomo, not a Homo!

Recently I was given the opportunity to fix an older analog camera. A friend of mine knew I was into film photography and somehow reasoned it also means mechanical skills. I observed the Cyrillic alphabet on the leather case and he explained that it’s a Homo. It sounded strangely familiar to something else and a tad unsettling but I didn’t bother with it at the time. I took it home and typed Homo 8M into the search engine. Nothing but dodgy sites resulted from it. I took a look at the cover one more time and that’s when it hit me! “It’s a Lomo, not a Homo!” And that is how I entered into the world of lomography. If you don’t know what that is, look it up. So, with the right keywords and a bit of perseverance I managed to get the Lomo Smena 8M in a fully working condition. I was supposed to give it back, but once I Ioaded the first film cartridge I’ve secretly decided to take it for a little spin. So it ended up travelling to England :-) That’s how a portion of my first paycheck went to developing the films and here, behold the results:

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Predmestni Marco Polo

Neki je šlo narobe – ta objava je kronološko pred ono o Smeni. Da ne bo nejasnosti…

Kva me razpizdi – Radio Študent špila, sobica je prijetno topla (sedaj ko smo popravil radiator), prijetno sem len in ko se že lepo naštimam da bom napisal novo objavo, ugotovim, da v šalci ni več čaja. Jebemu! Sej drugače me ne bi tok motilo ampak tu moram dva štuka nižje, da pridem do kuhne. Nima veze, zdej je čaj tle, gremo naprej.
Par lušnih odkritij v zadnjem času. Tri od njih so ženskega spola, bom probal zrihtat slike, kaj čem opisvat . Šef mi je sporočil, da mi gre prodajanje koledarjev tako dobro, da bodo organizirali seminar na katerem bom glavni govornik. Haha, sej ne (a bejž?). Je pa res, da sem 5% boljši od plana, kar pomeni več piškotov iz one pekarnice – kjer, mimo grede, streže eno od odkritij, ki ji je všeč moj naglas. Pravi da je cool. Oh yeah.
Odkril sem tudi, da boljše lokacije za živet, ne bi mogel najti. Dve minuti peš do šihta, eno minuto (če je na semaforju rdeča luč) do Aldija (kjer dela modrooko odkritje), prav zares za vogalom pa, bojda, najboljši lokal za živo rock glasbo. Pravzaprav sem ravnokar prišel iz koncerta. Dobrega koncerta :-) Takole poslušam benda Koromač v živo na RŠ-u, ko zmanjka čaja (ma kašn plinovod! Čajovod potrebuje naša civilizacija!). Grem varit še eno dozo, ko v bližnji daljavi zaslišim pridušene zvoke nečesa všečnega. Grem pogledat, plačam vstopnino in uletim na res čist hud band. Melodičen šunder s takim nabojem energije, da bi se moral držat za klobuk, če bi ga imel. In pol so nehal. Ja, fajn ste me nategnil, da sem plačal polno karto za eno pesem!! Pa ni blo res, je bil večer večih bandov od katerih je bil naslednji tako zanič, da sem šel domov še na en čaj :-) Haha, a veste, ker lahko, ker je blizu, hihi. Vmes sem spoznal… umm, kako mu je že ime… ne vem, ga bom vprašal naslednji teden v enem drugem lokalu v katerega sem bil povabljen na špil njegovga benda. No, tale poba mi je zaupal, da je Pub iz katerega sem pobegnil pred tistimi opicami na kitarah, ena izmed glavnih lokacij za živo glasbo (pa biljard) v Tamworthu. Navsezadnje se je tudi socialno življenje začelo prebujati, bi rekel. Hmm, kaj sem še odkril…? Aha, našel sem kraj kjer mi bodo poceni razvijali in skenirali filme – no, vsaj ceneje kot lansko leto v Dublinu. Tri filme sem že razvil ampak! Ne vem kaj je s temi foto studii. Cel svet (sploh fotografski) že šopa na raznorazne spominske kartice in USB-je ter pametne telefone, oni pa še kr drekajo s temi CD-ji! Ma dejte no, get with the fuckin’ program! No ja, pravi nekdo, ki fotka s fotkičem starejšim od njega samega :-P
U glavnem, tablica ne bere zgoščenk in sem tako v anusu dokler mi denarnica ne pride v doseg Jabučka ali pa najdem nekoga, čigar računalnik se znajde z cd-ji, da lahko slike prekopiram na MicroSD kartico, ki pa jo tablica bere. Švic brezveze. Še veliki metljaj ima manj problemov z razmnoževanjem. Kakorkoli, do enega od teh dveh srečnih trenutkov vas zapuščam z nekaj eksperimentalnimi fotkami iz 2 MP kamere na Nokii v kombinaciji z Android aplikacijo PhotoEditor. In kot nam je, publiki, svetoval frontman enega izmed bendov – enjoy.

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Nočna Smena 8M

Takojšnja manifestacija je super zadeva. Če sem včeraj jambral o nezmožnosti, da vam prikažem razvite fotke, so danes že tu. Tako je, cimra ima pravo kombinacijo DVD enote in bralca kartic. Lajf is good.
Naj povem, da sem pred kratkim po naključju, ki to ni, vstopil v Lomo (lomografija) svet s fotoaparatom Smena 8M. Prijatelj mi ga je zaupal v popravilo in sem se kar lotil. Sej ni neki zahteven – mal vztrajnosti pa strica Googla, in je šlo. Bi jo moral vrnit, pa sem se odločil, da jo prej mal sprobam. Tko, en krog po svetu, hihi :-) Aparat je brutalno preprost, špartansko opremljen ampak osnove so pokrite. Za furat nek perfekcionizem res ni, ker svetlomera ne pozna, razdaljo pa določiš, takole na uč, na približno. Je pa zelo primeren za vohunsko delo, ker je super tih in navsezadnje res zgleda kot igračka. Pa lahek je, kar je za šopat naokoli zelo blagodejno. Kakorkoli, na koncu štejejo rezultati s katerimi sem osebno zadovoljen. Vsako posrečeno fotko sem malo oplemenitil z rahlo manipulacijo barv, kontrasta ipd ampak samo toliko, da sem poudaril kar je že bilo tam ali pa osvetlil skrito. In tu so kanditati:

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The House of Hermits

This is how I named the house that I share with four other people here in Tamworth. The reason is that I usually don’t see anybody so I assume everybody is in their rooms, not having a social life, like me. Hmm, not a very sound observation. Anyway, here are some pictures that might give you a better idea of my “digs”. Such is the local word for the place a person rents for a while  :-)

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I have one window

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A king size bed


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A chest of a draw and an excuse for a fireplace

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The closet which cannot even hold a decent skeleton

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As clearly seen here, there are no monsters under the bed

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The previous tenant left these flowers which I now gave fruit of my prints

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Which, if survived, take you to the first floor

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Tis where I made my debut fall:-

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I can finally dry my clothes...

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... thanks to ducktape

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Da Kitchen:-P

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Mr. Happy toaster:-)

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I don't how who it belongs to, but it's edible;-)

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Hiša samotarjev

Gremo po vrsti kot so hiše v Trsti. Ne glede na to kolk kolnem tole tablico in njeno sposobnost, da me pritera do skrajnih mej potrpljenja, sem še vedno vesel, da jo imam in se ti, Damir, najlepše zahvaljujem,da si posodu. Če boš pa hotu prodat, je tle ena izvrstna štacuna za to :-P Mal sem se tud posvetil tem Android aplikacijam in kot vidite me lahko sedaj berete v šumnikih. Skor k prehod iz ČB televizije na barvno, madona :-D

Ok, ne glede na to da zelo rad pišem, se bomo danes bolj posvetili slikam. No, no, kar mirno, poberite stol in se usedite nazaj. Nismo še pri fotkah iz filma. Prišlo mi je na um, da bi vam pokazal kako izgleda trenutno prebivališče, ki sem ga prekrstil v Hišo samotarjev. S tem uresničujem tudi prošnjo tebi, Sajveškdo. Kvaliteta slik je porazna ampak takle mamo.

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Pogled na sončni vzhod

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Jp, francoska postelja ;-)

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Drugi kos pohištva od treh - predalnik. V ozadju kao kamin.

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Omara :-)

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Kot se tu lepo vidi pod posteljo ni pošasti.

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Prejšnja najemnica je pustila nalepke rož in metuljev, pa sem samo dodal fotke, ki so mi ostale iz Irske :-)

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Stopnice, neverjetno pripravne za ubit se.

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Če preživiš prideš v prvi štuk ...

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...in naprej do naslednje nevarnosti.

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Tu sem včeraj potem končno padel :-

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Prostor kjer se ljudje ponavadi družino. Ampak kaj ko imamo vsak svojo sobo in Facebook :-)

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Končno si lahko normalno sušimo cunje...

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...zahvaljujoč salotejpu.

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Kuhinja je v redu opremljena, a bi ostali trije sostanovalci brez mikrovalovke verjetno stradal :-P

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Toaster Srečko :-)

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Ne vem čigavo je tole ampak noben se ne buni ker še pol manjka. Ne vprašajte koliko časa je že tu, ker nočem vedite. But it's edible ;-)

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